Apologies for my absence! It has indeed been far too long. I have been quite occupied in my work over the last few months, and am eager to return to documenting my time in the city.
As you may recall, last year I shared with you my email address (email@example.com), so that you could send me questions you may have. I have been quite taken aback by the inquiries, as they have been so insipid! I did not realize my opinion on ”vajazzling” would be so sought after. To settle the query once and for all: if I had to choose, I’d choose an American flag.
Be that what it would, I have received a lovely message from one George Stephenson. I doubt the considerate inventor of the “Stephenson guage” and “Father of the Railways” needs any introduction? I share with you his words:
I have read with great interest about your adventures in New York. The beer pong incident was particularly amusing. I myself have been a long time admirer of your fair nation, given its extensive use of my steam engine, which proved instrumental during your Civil War. My locomotives could reach speeds of a blistering twenty-four miles per hour, nearly twice as fast as this internet! (I still cannot fathom what said internet runs on. So far all I have learned is that an alarming number of young ladies suffer from a distinct lack of suitable clothing. Mrs. Stephenson and I intend to set up a charity to help clothe these poor wretches. But I digress.)
My friend, I write to you to ask your opinion on the current fiscal difficulties that face our countries. You see, until recently, I enjoyed the privilege of being the face of legal tender. We even shared the same denomination (tho my £5 sterling held greater value, at one point equaling $8.14) until I was replaced in 2003 by Elizabeth Fry. She claims to be out at all hours helping the homeless, though I have evidence that her activities are of a much more shameful type. My question to you is, how can I reclaim my monetary status?
George, I implore you to return to your technological studies, and forget the spotlight. The United States is far more in need of affordable transit than the United Kingdom needs new coinage! In fact, I find the antics of those Americans who desire to reclaim their fame with tattle and scandal to be quite sad indeed. However, if you so favorably seek public attention, may I suggest trying to bring back I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here? I just can not get enough of those Baldwin brothers.